A couple of days ago, a really good friend of mine texted me in the middle of the night. He said he’s feeling trapped in so many negative thoughts that he didn’t think he could get out of it. He was so stressed out and couldn’t sleep. He asked me how he could deal with it.
Negative thoughts lead to negative emotions, and it’s so easy to spiral down this hole. So, how to deal with it? Oh wow, this questions come up so many times in many different situations and I could just share various different tools I know. My mind rushed wanting to respond immediately “well, you can do this, this and this..”. I almost texted him back a crazy long list of tools and how to use it.
Wait a second… I took a long deep breath.
When I think about it, I realized there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Every person and every situation is unique, and I might don’t understand the context at all. Also, every person has their own preference on how they can best cope with negative thoughts or emotions.
So I reflect back to the time I experienced this myself, and the time I got to support my friends and clients when in similar situations, the feeling of drowning in negative thoughts and emotions.
Here are my key takeaways (and the best thing is, they are all relatively simple!):
Accept the feeling
First and foremost, never try to hide it under the rug. When we are facing strong negative thoughts or emotions the the best thing we can do is to be present and accept where we are with those feelings. As poet Rumi said, emotions are like a guest, and we are a guest house. Let they come, and let them go..
If you refuse them to come, they’re just gonna come back even stronger. So what we can do is to simply acknowledgment on how we are feelings. Try to detach ourselves from the feelings, for example, “I’m feeling sad..” rather than “I’m sad”.
Breathe..
Yes, breathe. Just take slow, deep breaths. It will help you come back to the present moment. Remember when we were a child we are asked to take deep breath when crying out loud? This is our natural body mechanism to self-regulate. If you enjoy longer meditation, you can definitely give it a try.
The easiest one is to do 4×4 box breathing. You simply count to 4 when you inhale, hold on top for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, and hold at the bottom for 4 counts… repeat. Do it three times or more if you like. This simple technique is proven to reduce anxiety in a very short moment.
Let’s try to do it together, shall we?
Breath in… 1…2…3…4…
Hold… 1…2…3…4…
Breath out 1…2…3…4…
Hold… 1…2…3…4… (repeat 3x)
How are you feeling now?
Get moving
Yes, move your body! Many strong emotions are held in our body, and the best way to release them is to literally move or shake your body. I personally like dancing, but it can also be any exercise (well, no wonder we feel so good when we exercise, right? Technically, we release endorphin the happy hormone and reduce cortisol the stress hormone).
Particularly when it is a very strong emotion like anger, you might want to do some stronger exercise. I remember a client who went for Muay Thai to dissolve years of anger with a family member, and she said it helped her so much in processing the emotion before actually taking actions. A good friend said she has an “emergency protocol” whenever she faces stress by running in the same spot for five minutes before calming herself down through meditation.
As for you, can you think of one that you like and might be best to use?”
Remember to always extend love and compassion to yourself. You are worthy of love, and I believe in you. ❤️
May this article serves you. 🙏
With love,
Coach Inuk
Ps. Baca juga artikel ini dalam Bahasa Indonesia
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